I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
