Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
