ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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