Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
