WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Vodka?
Forever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
