A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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