Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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