Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
