I puked a lego.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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