All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
