so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
