If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize