fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
