Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
