If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
