He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
