I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if only i could text you this smell
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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