Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
