I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
