Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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