piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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