Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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