Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
