she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
