I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
