threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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