I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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