If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
