That's intense
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
