Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
