mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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