maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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