the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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