dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it hurts more in the daytime
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
