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So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just cut my nipple shaving
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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