So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
