Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
