"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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