is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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