i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
