Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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