the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
