walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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