She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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