I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
