ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
