I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
