Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
