dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
