She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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