Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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