I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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