next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
