I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
