dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
