Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
