I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
