I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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