Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
