I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
