I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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