8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Found your dick twin last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
