Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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