just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
