i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize