Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
