listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
