The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
