I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
