the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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