so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
