i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
