Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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